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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957182">Himbo Balance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewdarling/pseuds/thenewdarling'>thenewdarling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>X-Men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:41:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewdarling/pseuds/thenewdarling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gift for Glasgow Fanfic Open Mic Night Secret Santa 2020</p><p>Piotr is upset. Jean tries to solve it with PowerPoint.</p><p>(It's in the continuity of the cartoon because I don't know enough about the comics to talk about them.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Himbo Balance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LithiumBlossom/gifts">LithiumBlossom</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you ok Piotr?" Jean said, looking concerned. </p><p>Piotr had barely touched his breakfast borscht. Instead he swirled the sour beetroot soup common in Eastern Europe and Northern Asia around with his spoon, and sighed loudly. "I do not know, Comrade Jean."</p><p>"Is this about the encroaching tide of capitalism again?" Jean said. She didn't read his mind, because this is the cartoon and they at least pretend to understand what a horrific thing that is to do to someone.</p><p>"Comrade Jubilee has hurt my feelings," Piotr said. "I think she does not like me."</p><p>"Why do you think that?" Jean said.</p><p>"She called Colossus a himbo!" Colossus pushed his traditional breakfast borscht away. "This is like 'bimbo', yes? She thinks Colossus is stupid!"</p><p>Jean snorted, then tried to cover it as if she'd coughed. "I don't think she doesn't like you."</p><p>"But this is bad, yes?"</p><p>"No, I'm sure she meant it as a compliment."</p><p>"I don't understand..." Colossus put his head in his hands.</p><p>Jean rubbed her chin. How could she explain this?</p><p>Well, she was Jean Grey. So she fell back to her default.</p><p>#</p><p>The projector in the empty science classroom whirred as it showed the first of several hastily drawn acetate sheets. "WHAT IS A HIMBO" the first one said, in her trademark neat handwriting with a circle to dot the 'I's.</p><p>Colossus sat in a comically small old-fashioned school desk, studiously taking notes. It creaked under the weight of his enormous metal frame.</p><p>"As you seem to already know," Jean said, flipping to the next sheet. "The origin of the word 'himbo' comes from the word 'bimbo' - traditionally a frivolous term levelled at women who are considered unintelligent and vain. Here gendered male by the word 'him'."</p><p>"Yes, I know this," Colossus said. "Why do we need class to teach this?"</p><p>"However!" Jean interrupted, flipping to another slide. "There is a cultural and linguistic element to the word 'himbo' which is not present in the former. The use of the word 'himbo' is usually meant to denote a feeling of fondness, attraction, or often simply of safety."</p><p>"I do not follow."</p><p>Jean flipped to the next slide, when the blue rings of neon light that visualises telepathy bowled her over. She screamed, ham-ly, head-banging wildly. </p><p>"Jean, you are needed in the Danger Room," Professor Xavier's voice boomed.</p><p>"One moment, Professor. I'm teaching Colossus about the himbo."</p><p>#</p><p>There was now a small crowd of X-Men all sitting taking notes.</p><p>"As you can see," Jean said, gesturing to the projector. "There are three axis upon which the Himbo stands, which must be in perfect equilibrium with each other. Kind, Beefy, and Stupid."</p><p>Cyclops stroked his chin. "I see... Am I a himbo?"</p><p>"Not by a long shot, Scott," Jean said. This slide was a picture of a cartoon character. "Here we see the Platonic Ideal of a Himbo. Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove. He has all three ingredients in spades. Remove any of these elements..." She overlaid a large Venn Diagram over the first slide, showing a number of other cartoon characters in orbit around Kronk.</p><p>"Without the kindness, he is Gaston. Beef and Stupidity do not confer the feeling of safety and respect for women necessary for the Himbo," Jean said. "Without the stupidity, he is Kristoff Frozen. A hunk, yes, but does not confer the cuteness which is required of the Himbo. The true Himbo has emotional intelligence, which is more important than academic or practical intelligence."</p><p>"I am beginning to understand..." Colossus said.</p><p>"Finally, without the beef, he is simply a good man. Which is fine, but the point of the himbo is the contrast between the traditionally hyper-masculine body archetype and the kindness and unthreatening aura within. The soft marshmallow center."</p><p>Cyclops clicked his fingers. "Ah! <i>That</i> one is me!"</p><p>"... No," Jean said, before turning back to Colossus. "Now, do you understand what all this means?"</p><p>"Yes, I think I understand now! Comrade Jubilee was trying to give me a compliment!"</p><p>"Yes..." Jean said, waiting for the rest of the sentence.</p><p>"I should be sure to keep respectful distance from Comrade Jubilee, if she is developing some kind of American crush for Colossus!" Colossus said.</p><p>Jean breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. Yeah. Because she is this universe's Kitty Pryde, and you are not dating another sixteen year old."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Another interruption from Professor Xavier. Jean flailed, holding her head. "Jean, you are still needed in the Danger Room."</p><p>"Yes Professor, I'm on my way." </p><p>And the scene cut directly to the Danger Room to save on animation budget.</p>
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